![]() ![]() The Fates: Should Hercules fight, you will fail. The Fates: A word of caution to this tale. The Fates: Then the once-proud Zeus will finally fall / And you, Hades, will rule all! The Fates: The time to act will be at hand / Unleash the Titans, your monstrous band. The Fates: In 18 years precisely / The planets will align ever so nicely. Anybody listenin'? It's like I'm - What am I, an echo or something? Hello? Hello? Am I talking to, what, hyperspace? Hello, it's me. Everybody's got a little taste of somethin' but me. Hades: What d'ya say? It's happy ending time. Hades: I'm about to rearrange the cosmos, and the one *schlemiel* who can louse it up is waltzing around in the woods. You give me the key to bringing down Wonder Breath, and I give you the thing that you crave most in the entire cosmos: your freedom. Hades: Which is exactly why I got a feelin' you're gonna leap at my new offer. He hurt you real bad, didn't he, Meg? Huh? And how does this creep thank you? By running off with some babe. Hades: Well, you know, that's good because that's what got you into this jam in the first place, isn't it? You sold your soul to me to save your boyfriend's life. Hades: They couldn't handle him as a baby. ![]() And here is a sucker for the little sucker. Hades: We were so close! So close, we tripped at the finish line! Why? Because our little *nut*-Meg has to go all noble. Hades: Uh, guys? Olympus would be that way. Hades: and you are wearing his merchandise? Hades: I've got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, or the entire scheme I've been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke, I throw everything I've got at him, and it doesn't even. For the Trojans, hey, they bet on the wrong horse, okay? I mean, for what? Pandora, it was the box thing. Hades: He's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy, but ever so crucial little, tiny detail? Hades: Meg, Meg, Meg, my sweet deluded little minion. You mind runnin' that by me again? I must have had a chunk of brimstone wedged in my ear or something. Hades: Now you now how it feels to be like everyone else. Hades: You might feel just a little queasy. But unlike you gods lounging about up here, I regretfully have a full-time job that you, by the way, so charitably bestowed on me, Zeus. Hades: What! The Fates were here and you didn't tell me? Just inform me the minute the Fates arrive. And, as always, hey, full of dead people. You know, a little dark, a little gloomy. Hades: So is this an audience or a mosaic? Anyway, what do you owe these people, huh? It happens 'cause, you know, it's war, but what can I tell ya. ![]() I mean, it's, you know, it's a possibility. Hades: It's a small underworld, after all, huh? Hades: We dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we carry on, we go home happy. Pain: Remember, like, a few years ago, every other boy was named Jason, and the girls were all named Brittany? I mean, Hercules is a very popular name nowadays. Pain: This might be a different Hercules. Hades: So you took care of him, huh? "Dead as a doornail." Weren't those your *exact* words? Panic: Wait, wasn't Hercules the name of that kid we were supposed to.? Panic: "Hercules." Why does that name ring a bell? You know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat. You'll be dead before you can get to her. The son of my hated rival trapped forever in a river of death. Consider these 12 reasons why Hades may actually be a hero in his own right. You take away the conflict, you don’t have a beloved cartoon classic.Īnd honestly? He’s just so gosh darn cool.īut if you need a little more hard evidence than my fangirl gushing, I have notes. And, like many Disney Villains before him, he serves as the catalyst for the entire movie. Still, if you re-asses the beginnings of Hercules, and look at Hades motives in a different light, he is totally sympathetic and honorable in his way. You know, he’s the Lord of the Underworld being evil is part of his brand. In fact, if you look into it, Hades is the real hero of Hercules.Īll right, so I’ll admit that he does maybe one or two or thousands of heinous things. Yes, when you’re, for example, re-watching 1997's Hercules, your eyes start to diverge from Herc’s bulging cartoon biceps, and you begin to notice how Hades got the short end of the stick. It’s fair to say that, no matter how deep you get into adulthood (or, you know, “adulthood”), you can’t get rid of how much you love Disney movies the only thing that changes is your alliances. ![]()
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